Sometimes

Sometimes I cry alone at night
Sometimes I hurt from the pains of my past
Sometimes I forget and think maybe it wasn't so bad
Sometimes I feel like I can't go on
Sometimes doesn't last always


Sometimes I want it all to end
Sometimes I curse and swear
Sometimes I want to be judge, jury and executioner
Sometimes I remember
Sometimes is temporary and fleeting


Sometimes I sing even if off-key
Sometimes I laugh out loud at a memory
Sometimes I dance to beat of the music but not always
Sometimes I fall but I always get up
Sometimes is just a moment in my life.

I Walked

I posted that I was at a loss for words to describe my feelings after the Out of Darkness Community Walk benefiting the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. I was overwhelmed and need to release.


GREAT WONDERFUL AMAZING BLESSED
Doesn’t begin to describe it!!!


I don’t believe in happenstance or coincidence.
I am a believer that all things happen for a reason
Sometimes the reason is beyond us and
Sometimes it is evident right away when things are revealed
I get excited and can only glory in the workings of God
I am fellowshipping at a new church and joined a life group - F4TK (Fit for the King)
It was an easy choice to make where others I am still praying over
I exercise 4-5 times a week alone at the back of the pool
This group gives me a chance to fellowship with others
And work on my physical and spiritual self at the same time
When our leader announced our first event would be a charity walk
I was hesitant to participate, full of questions and doubts
Would I be able to do it, should I just donate my money
Could I make it to the end, would I look foolish
In the end I decided that this was no coincidence
The meaning behind the walk was too dear to me
I prayed for strength and registered and trusted that I could do it
I was the first to make it to the meeting place
One by one everyone arrived and new people were placed in my circle
Before the walk we got honor beads to symbolize our personal connection to the cause
I got two but didn’t realize there was one for personally struggled
So though I wore one for sibling, one for friend, I was remiss for another
A father spoke of his son and the ignorance that’s involved in this struggle
The ignorance - not from those who leave this world in this fashion
But from those left behind. The not knowing that someone needs helps
That a person near and dear to you is at an invisible breaking point
We must speak out and share with others in hope that we can prevent
This tragic heartbreaking life altering event from happening
The entire experience was refreshing, overwhelming and inspiring.
I am ready to share my story, my pain, and healing
So with my beads symbolizing those who have chosen this path - I walked
I walked for my sister whom I loved with all my heart
For the girl who abused and neglected by many in her life
I walked for the friend who decided the world was too much to bear
I walked the for the little girl who almost didn’t make it through her teens
I walked for the woman I am today - stronger, loving, and beautiful.

Woulda Coulda Shoulda

At the end of your life
Will you find yourself saying
I wish I woulda coulda shoulda


Do you often use the phrases
One day I will
One day I want to go,do or see


Do you live your life
With no thought at all
Putting off desires until tomorrow


Life is short and tomorrow
May never come for you
Live today as if it were your last


I know it's cliche
But all things considered
You don't know the time nor the hour


One day when you least expect it
The unthinkable will happen
Bringing your life's journey to an end


When the movie of your life begins
Flashing before your very eyes
Will you see regret and unfulfilled desires


Choose today to explore
Life as you've always wanted
Chase your dreams satisfy your passions.


I'll you with two of my favorite quotes
Carpe diem – seize the day
Dance like nobody's watching

Love like you've never been hurt
Sing like nobody's listening
Live like it's heaven on earth.

Nappy Hair

My hair is nappy?

Why thank you!

I love my kinky, spongy

And yes, nappy hair.

You think it would look great pressed?

Why thank you for the thought

But I will politely pass on that.

My hair would look great with a perm?

Nah, I’ve been there done that.

Had the scalp burns to prove it.

You wonder how long it is?

Why that’s the beauty of my friend,

Shrinkage.

It’s a secret she loves to keep.

Kinky, spongy, naturally curly

Dense, fluffy, cottony

Coarse, thick, wiry

Whatever you call it

It’s all good to me.

I’m naturally nappy and

Proud of it.

© C. Stinson August 2010

Summer Getaway Part 3

I am loving this “no agenda spontaneous go with the flow” vacation. I was scheduled to go home today but changed my mind. I initially looked at Branson – well after St. Louis was ruled out. Branson because The Platters were performing at the Starlite Theater. The show times was off so I chose Springfield for the caverns. I started thinking about staying one more day to see The Platters and suddenly I thought –why not? I couldn’t get a rate low enough at my current hotel so I checked with Travelocity and found a hotel with a rate I wanted with good customer reviews. Indoor pool, breakfast and internet…better than I had.

So with hotel and tickets for the 3 pm show I was off to Branson. Found the hotel with one turnaround and one stop for clarification on my directions, picked up my ticket for the show and found the Starlite Theater with no mishaps. I had front row tickets but couldn’t see my seat when I walked in so I settled for a few rows back and claimed my rightful seat at intermission.

The show was great – I loved every minute of it and was definitely glad I extended my stay to go. They sang all their hits plus a Ray Charles tribute and Motown revue. Will, who is blind did a great Ray. I felt like a groupie afterwards – bought the DVD of the show got a free t-shirt and purchased a picture of me with the group (the photographer was nice of enough to use my camera but snap one of me with hers as well – of course hers was better and I had to buy it). They autographed all three. Eddie, one of the original members of the group, was a hoot (did I use that word?). Yolanda had a powerful voice. She told me the story of how she let a stylist talk her into color and ruined her natural hair. She kept telling me how much she loved my hair. Will as I said was blind but if someone didn’t point it out I would not have known. He moved on that stage. They had some padded markers on the stage for him to keep his place. Andre – I could fall in love with him. He had a voice on him and a smooth bald head - whew!!! Like one of the ladies I met told him – Smokie ain’t got nothing on him with that voice. I would love to bring others back with me to see the show again. There was a lady there who has been to see this show 140 times. Can’t say I will go that many times but I could come again.

I asked for a restaurant recommendation and was told to try Hard Luck Café. They have singing servers. Glad I thought to ask and that I didn’t give up on finding it. The food was as good as the entertainment.

Sadly I am headed home tomorrow, but this is just the first of many trips. No longer will I wait for others to join me. It would be nice, but I will not let it keep me from going. Oh where, oh where, should I go next?

Summer Getaway Part 2

Today should be called “The Adventures of the Directionally Challenged” - that’s me. I spent the morning mapping out my day. It’s the only way I can get around. I think for my birthday I should buy myself GPS. Since I don’t have one I used my usual method. Map it, print it and let the adventure begin. I looked up things to do in the city and used the Map It feature installed on the page. It directed me to Google Maps (new to me I usually use Yahoo driving directions which after today I think I will continue to use). I had three places in mind from the list - Candy House Gourmet Chocolates, Jefferson Avenue Footbridge, and Fantastic Caverns. I mapped it from one place to the other and then back to my hotel.

First direction says head northwest, ummmm which way is that? Can I get a left or right please? Then the next one took me on a loop back to my starting point. At least I have the sense to know if I am looking for Exit 80 and the numbers are decreasing 77, 76, I am going the wrong way. See, I know a little something something. Anyway, after two turnarounds, I made it to the candy shop to find a closed sign. According to the website, they are open on Sundays from 12-5. Oh well, now it’s head west (here we go again), but at least I have a map and the line helps me figure out which way to go. Yep, I’m getting better at this reading a map thing. Made it downtown with only one turnaround and discovered the bridge. It wasn’t as fascinating as I thought. I took one look at it and thought I’m not climbing that thing. So click click and I strolled downtown for a bit. Found an antique furniture and junk store and saw a doll sitting in a chair and a bear that I couldn’t leave. $10 for them both. I really don’t have a place for them a home but I’ll worry about that later.

Heading west (by now I know which way that is – someone give me a cookie please) and I made it to the Fantastic Caverns with no turnarounds – another cookie please. Very interesting place. They showed a movie with the history of the cave and again I found myself wondering again if this alone thing was a good idea. At one point a certain group of hooded organization met in this cave, hmmmm. I looked around and was glad that even though I was the only brown face on the tram everyone was friendly and smiling. It was interesting to hear that the man that first discovered the cave kept it a secret until after the Civil War. He didn’t want either side using seizing it.

At the end of the ride, the guide magically pulled out several copies of a souvenir picture and passed them out. The old “give it to them, let them see it/hold it, and hopefully they will buy it” trick. Well it worked for $10 many of us kept the picture.

I’m tired from the day but have a wonderful time. Now I am thinking I need to extend my trip one more day. I have my eye on The Platters concert tomorrow.

Summer Getaway Part 1

I did it. I packed a bag and drove. Not quite as spontaneous as I said but as much as I can be. I mapped out a route and took off. It was quite a leisurely drive down US 65 N. Thought I would go a little crazy from the slow ride until I reminded myself I was not on a time schedule. I took in the sights while people drove around me. Then I saw a sign that said Natural Bridge of Arkansas 15 Miles Ahead. Talk about things that make you go hmmmm.

So of course I took the turn and decided to see for myself. The real adventure was the steep winding downhill narrow road. Caution use first gear, 15 mph (more like 2 mph). I am not ashamed to say I screamed few times going down and even asked myself "where in the heck" - okay I said hell – “am I going and did you forget you are by yourself?”

I made it down the hill and came to the entrance – an old log cabin selling all kinds of country bumpkin and old fashioned souvenirs. Country bumpkin – not my word. There was a country bumpkin emergency kit. I should have taken a picture of it. I did buy a back scratcher for a $1.50.

It cost $4 to gaze upon one the “natural wonders of the world”. Really? Well I paid my money since I made the dangerous trip down. The ride down was worth more. The path to the bridge was full of signs warning that “they” were not responsible for any accidents and of course “you are not allowed on the bridge”. Also as part of the attraction was an old Moon Shine house with several antique items. Made me remember how glad I am that I was born after that time in life.

Oh and did you know there are camels in Arkansas? I didn’t. On the road to the bridge, I saw a herd of cows and stopped to take a picture when I realized that among them sat a camel.

I made it to my destination following my yahoo directions. Thanks for all those who encouraged me to get out and do this. I have been talking about it - thinking about it for a long time but finally did it. This is just the beginning…..