The Chair

Excuse me I’ve been sitting here
Sitting here waiting
Waiting In this chair
What chair you say?

The chair I have come to detest
Detest what it symbolizes
It’s a symbol of self loath
Self loath I didn't know I had

You see I was raised by a mother
A mother that didn't care
Didn't care for the fro
And the naps on her head

She passed along her hatred
Hatred for the hair that grew
Grew upon my hair so strong
Strong until it was weakened

Weakened by the straightening tools
The tools of torture for the hair
Hair that I thought needed to be managed
Managed at the first sight of growth

First there came the comb
The comb of pressing fire
Fire cream came next
You know that cream of chemicals

Then there came Jheri
Jheri curl with all the mess
The mess of activator and drips
Dripping and staining everything in sight

Jheri's World of curls ended
Ended with a second onset of cream fire
Cream fire that has lead me here
Here in this chair

So if you'll excuse me
Excuse me from this chair
I've decided to live free
Free and no longer bound to the chair.

© C. Stinson 2008-2010

Fantasy Lover

Fantasy Lover

How can I miss you so

When you have never held me

You are embedded deep in my soul

Though you have never touched me

You occupy my daily thoughts

When I cry out for you in the middle of the night

You are there to hold and comfort me

Making me feel things I have never felt before

Yet as the sun rises and ushers in another day

I wake feeling as empty as my room

The cold silence serving as a reminder

That you are merely my fantasy lover

In my dreams we are meant to be

If only that was my reality.

© C. Stinson July 2010

Please Forgive Me I Would Still Like to be Your Friend

I understand you have wants

But we can’t always have what we desire

What I wanted was for you to tell me I was wrong

That you didn't deceive me with the most hurtful lies

That the irrefutable proof of your deception was untrue.

What I got was heart wrenching silence that tore into my soul

Leaving me furious, embittered and confused

How could I have not known what you harbored?

The one thing I find most offensive and unforgiveable

Were there signs that I chose to ignore?

Was l blinded by the illusion of love?

You say I was what you needed at the time?

That even now you will always love me

Use me as a measure of standard for others in your life

Is that a compliment to soothe my soul?

Can you not see how insulting that is to my spirit?

You once called me a woman of worth

Worthy of what?...your deceit, misuse and neglect

Please forgive you? You would like to still be my friend.

Do you even know what that word means?

Or do you throw it around as easily as you do the word “love”?

I want you to know that with little consideration at all

I leave you with this and answer your plea

You will have to learn to befriend your wife.

 

© C. Stinson June 25, 2010

Why Wasn’t I Enough

Why wasn’t I enough for you

I gave you what you needed

I treated you with respect

I gave you the best of me

Why could you not reward me

for all my hard work?

Be proud of my accomplishments.

Why wasn't I good enough for you?

For two years I pushed and pushed myself

To become the person you wanted me to be

Yet, it was never ever enough.

Why did you neglect and abuse me?

You broke my spirit and wore me down

It was always your love and affection

I sought, wanted and needed.

Look at me and tell me why I wasn’t enough?

With all that is within me

I ask for your forgiveness

You were exactly who I wanted to be

I just couldn’t see it

My eyes were clouded and glazed

With a trick mirror of life

Your reflection was distorted

I couldn’t see your beauty within or without

I was measuring you against a flawed system

Holding you to “perfect” standards

Set by an imperfect world

Now that you have gone away

And the mirror has been replaced

I see who and what you are

Please come back to me

I will treat you with all the respect

And love that you deserve

I will cherish you every step of the way

Kiss away your sorrow and hurt

Celebrate every triumph and every victory

If you honor me with your presence

I will feed your soul what it needs

I can feel the trust you have in me

I will honor that trust

I will not allow anyone –

Including myself

To misuse you ever again

Your eyes are wary as I look at you

In my new mirror of life

I see the reflection of me

I love who I am.

I love who we will become

Together.

© C. Stinson July 3, 2010